Friday, May 1, 2015

"a victim of the rules you live by": a life in the fear

5:27 am
Friday, 05.01.2015

sitting in a lounge, thinking about the way people disappoint. they disappoint not because they want but because it is human nature; liar, deceiver, hoarder, narcissist. pick a flavor. how to let the flavor not take over your life, your thoughts, and your mind? i don't know. show me. the anger consumes me until i cannot focus. is this what humanity really is? a series of interactions that triggers heart wrenching emotions? (the kind that make you feel the taste of a lemon seed in your mouth) how to not let it consume you? you try because you think maybe this day you will meet the person that can help you change your view on humanity, but it does not happen. your close ones disappoint. they do not realize that you are a territorial human being. social interactions are important. they are what makes you want to live and die at the same time.

an obsession with avant guarde: i look to art to explore the parts of the mind that are not supposed to be connected. a picture of a fish with legs lying in on a bed watching tv. the fish is not under water. it is in air where it should be dead but it is not because the art gave it immortality; immunity from the air to its gills. a student who makes his own wardrobe. he pastes a picture in the front of his shirt, another at the back.

i hope we can fix our differences soon

my soul is disturbed by the demons, weights of my ancestors. it weighs heavily. i cannot move quickly. i am dragged down. i need soul medicine quickly. cesar help me.

ale


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